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Thursday, June 2, 2011

Rant and Roll, Baby

Mommy back at College is having one of those kinds of weeks, and feels the need to rant.  I know it’s small and really unimportant stuff we are talking about here.  Given the state of the world, I should be grateful a tornado has not swept me away, the stock market did not completely crash and I am not dying of cancer. I get it.  I should be incredibly thankful that I have five beautiful children, a loving husband, all of my faculties, and a relatively normal group of friends.  Call it midterms, call it lack of sleep, call it stress, and call it downright selfishness, but today I am in the mood to rant.  And what does misery love? Company

Mommy Back at College Rant List for June 2, 2011

                                                            Set them Free
It’s June, enough already with school (for my kids, that is). Why they stretch the school year out for two additional weeks JUST so my already overly socialized children can go to the zoo, have picnics and clean out the teacher’s cabinets to organize and put away her text books, is BEYOND me.  Maybe I’ve been a mommy too long and have moved to the dark side of the happy scale, but enough already.  Field day, scavenger hunts, road rallies, class parties, trips to the park, trips to the ballpark, and trips to Cedar Point are just a few of the items on my kids’ agenda in the next two weeks. Truthfully, they would rather stay home, sleep in until noon, play X-box and hoops and chill out before the summer sports and commitments begin.
Trust me, you don’t want to see my thighs.
Is there such a thing as a normal length pair of shorts anymore?  I don’t want to look like a grandma, wearing shorts down past my knees, and I don’t want booty shorts either.  What ever happened to somewhere in the middle? Trying to find shorts in that “middle “range for my daughter (age 10) has been even more difficult.  I don’t want anyone looking at either of our legs. (Albeit for very different reasons.)

It really is a little sick if you think about it.
When, exactly, did it become “Ok” for 14-16 year old girls to stalk 13 year old boys incessantly? Don’t these girls have any self -respect?  These girls were calling/texting my son at all hours of the night, so we took his phone away.  You would think that would stop them, but oh no- now they call the house phone at all hours of the night.  And if we turn the house phone off- they call my cell phone!!!  ENOUGH ALREADY!!! Get a summer job! Go tryout for American Idol, join a team, sign up for summer school, I don’t really care what you do, but please leave my son out of the picture!  I saw a nun on campus today.  She was wearing a beautiful all white habit, head- piece and all. She had a cross necklace and a rosary, and I’m sure she had just finished doing wonderful things, like helping the sick and poor, and saving the world.   I think the church should be out there actively recruiting the girls of my neighborhood because clearly these girls have way too much time on their hands, and my son most definitely needs saving!

Mail me a Ticket when he makes it to the Big League.
Yes, this is for all of you baseball mommies out there.  I am the mother of five baseball players who collectively play on nine different teams.  My husband coaches two of those teams.  Two of my children are on travel teams.  I have been all over this state and beyond it, giving up a lot of weekends, staying in crummy motels, all to watch children play baseball.  I can say with pride that some of my children are very talented players.  However, I completely acknowledge that NONE of them are ever going make it to the Big League.  Or even the Minor league. Odds are they will not even play at the collegiate level.   That is why it is so important for my husband and I to enjoy every minute of every day that our children are on the field.  It will be over in a heartbeat and all we will have left will be a box of dusty trophies in the attic and a mind full of wonderful memories. Why on earth do other mothers and fathers not realize this?  Why do they yell and scream and make COMPLETE fools out of their selves?  THIS IS LITTLE LEAGUE people.  Sit back.  Smile.  Laugh.  Enjoy the sunshine.  Eat a hotdog.  Don’t start stressing until it’s time to sign a Major league contract. 

And Lastly………
While I am grateful and happy that in my first month back at college I have made many new friends who were born in the early 90’s, I am not willing to be your “mother” at school.   Please stop asking me to borrow a pencil or a scantron, to copy my notes, to give you a ride, to give you quarters for the vending machine, or to repeat something that was said 5 times or more in the first week of class and is on the syllabus.  One of the girls even picked me out of a lecture class of 100 people (during the lecture, I might add), to see if I had a tampon. When I had to uncomfortably whisper to her that I didn’t need them any more, she had the balls to say  “Oh yeah- I guess I should have know that.”  Really?   And why exactly should she have known that I don’t have those parts anymore?  Do I really look old enough to have gone through the change? Jesus. I spent the rest of the lecture focusing on how I need to buy better skin care cream.  GROW UP people! Unless your mother is going to come to my house and start doing my laundry, I am not interested in replacing her role for you at school. 

Ahhhhhhhh….. I feel so much better now! Need to Rant?  I would be happy to read all about it.


  1. Oh my gosh, what a great post - I loved it! Great fire, honesty. You go, girl!

  2. I bet it feels better to get all that off your chest!
    And I have a connection at the Domincan Sisters in Ann Arbor (the nun you saw) if you would like to have me arrange a recruiting tour.....

  3. that was just awesome. I could totaly see you saying everything you wrote down. May I add a few of my own rants? 1. my 5th grade son is grinding my nerves for some reason he believes that now that he will be entering the giant walls of Pierce that he is "all that" good god he is only 11 but seems to know everything and feels a need to have the last word. Why in Gods name cant he just do what I say and not argue...2. I realize especially of a mom of 3 and one who is only 2 1/2 that we are all busy we all of many things going on for instance I would say that I am a baseball widow but why on earth is it always the same people working the concession stand? really, there are tons of people who I believe have never even set foot in the stand. I am tired of the e mails asking for volunteers. I do like seeing those sweet faces but how about this"if you havent stepped up to work it before lets make this your time". and finally I am really tired of the "do you want to contribute to the teachers end of the year gift? do all of you that have a job get a gift from your employees every year? dont get me wrong I am happy to contribute but between the end of the year gift for the teacher, end of season gift for the coach, end of a career gift for the principal and the 5th grade gift to the school, this is costing me more then Christmas. I do feel better

  4. It is SOOOOOO refreshing that I'm not the only one on so many of these fronts! I feel like opening up the door and screaming to the world "I AM NOT A BITCH!!! JUST READ AMY"S BLOG!!!" Love and miss you Sweetie!

  5. Great laughs friend. The girl and the tampon - priceless! Much better than than the assigned writing - and hope your professor is reading this!