Hi Ho, Hi Ho... Back to School I go!

After a wonderful three- week- long summer vacation complete with trips to D.C & NYC, Mommy back at College is, well, back at college!  I sit here now, between classes on my fist day of the fall semester and am amazed at the difference in the “feel” of the place.  The summer campus was quiet, my classes had far fewer students, and things just seemed a bit more relaxed.  Today, I could not help but smile in my 8:30 a.m. class, as about 100 students poured in.   The campus is packed and buzzing with excitement.  There are newly uniformed crossing guards to direct traffic; the bookstore is festooned with bright balloons, and (gasp!) there is a line at my favorite place to get my morning cuppa tea.

 In retrospect, I can see now that starting my new journey at college during a spring/summer semester was, as Martha would say, a “good thing”.  I felt comfortable, was surprised that there were actually other students my age, and developed a very nice rapport with all of my professors.  I made it through my first semester successfully (with grades that would have even made my parents proud), and am happy to say that I am starting this semester as a member of the Honors College.  I do not recommend taking a years worth of college in 12 weeks, (which is what I did last semester- 25 credits), but it worked for me, as it allowed me to get a lot of the General Education credits out of the way.   I have 4 fewer credits this semester, so in theory, things should lighten up a bit.

 My children and husband adjusted quickly to me being out of the home, and I was able to still make it to their “big” summer events, like Little League Championships and swim finals.  We still enjoyed about the same number of family nights with friends, and even made it to a few of the Tigers games.  The house and yard (albeit somewhat neglected), did survive, and none of the neighbors reported us to the local authorities for weeds, long grass or overall blight.

This semester, like the last one, is filled with mostly Liberal Arts general education classes.  (Thankfully this will be the LAST semester of that!)  My first class this morning was Geology, or “rocks for jocks”, as it is commonly referred to, as it meets the University requirement for a Physical Science, and most of the non-science majors would prefer this to Chemistry or Physics. As I looked around the class I could not help but smile as I realized that most of the class was young.  REALLY young.  Brand new freshmen type young.  I could not help but to look at them through my “mommy” lens, as I noticed new jeans and backpacks, freshly highlighted hair, and nervous excitement.  While waiting for the professor to arrive (who was 5 minutes late) a few of them glanced at me, as if I might be the professor, and had seated myself in the middle of them.  As I sat there, (trying to be impervious to the glances), I made a mental list of all I would tell them if I could, using (of course) my infinite Mommy wisdom…

1.     Come to class.  Today is proof that you obviously CAN get here! Please try to do so for the rest of the semester! Your parents have paid their hard earned money for you to be here- they could take an AWESOME vacation with this $$- but no- they chose to spend it on YOU.

2.     Buy the Textbook and read it.  The Prof made it perfectly clear that 100% of the exam questions are from the text and lectures. 

3.     That guy sitting next to you is NOT worth the effort.  Seriously.  At age 18 all men are stupid idiots. (With acne no less!) Smile, be nice, and get on with your studies.  It you need sex, buy a vibrator and use it when your roommate has her I-pod plugged into her ears. You won’t get pregnant, STD’s, or fail a class because of your relationship with your vibrator.

4.     If you don’t like your roommate, MOVE NOW, (its NOT going to get any better.) If she is a drinker, partier, or disorganized slob now, she will be that way the rest of the semester. Get out and make a move while you can!

5.     Do not drink lattes, eat from the vending machines, or eat meals while studying. I did it my first semester and gained TWENTY –TWO pounds.  Yes, 22 lbs! Now I have the stress of being a mommy with 21 credits AND having to lose 22 lbs.  NOT GOOD. At my age, losing 22 lbs takes a year or more of constant work. Not to mention, most of you are pouring yourself into skinny jeans or leggings from PINK with a muffin top hanging over the waist, your butt crack showing, and wearing tank tops with bras that do not fit you. It looks AWEFUL.  Tatts and nose piercing do not make it look better.  Nor do suede Uggs on the 31^st of August.   I do however, like that big tortoise shell eyeglasses are back in style.  Going to get me some of those…

That was all I had time to think about before the Geology Prof came in…… I’m sure I will think of more as the semester goes on.  Off to English class I go! 

Rhetoric and Tech....You're kidding, right?

In the spirit of full disclosure, let me confess that I am as excited as a kid in a candy store to be at college. Being a full time mommy of five has dominated every moment of my life for a long time. At the beginning of my motherhood,with the exception of a few months here and there, I was either pregnant or nursing a baby for nine consecutive years. While I have no regrets, those years were hard, selfless work. My husband and I used to keep track of who had acquired the most "P's" on their clothing that week (poop, puke or pee.) If I had only known then that those problems of infancy and toddlerhood would be replaced by the three "G's" of the teenage years, (girlfriends, gaming and grades ) I would have been a little more thankful!

Mom's support groups such as MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) and my close group of friends have kept me sane, and through all of this I have even managed to hold on to the small and fragile seedling that is "self". While I continue my role as "mommy", I am ready to water and feed that well rooted seedling into a strong and fruitful tree. A tree that I hope can provide shelter and shade to those in need of direction and support after times of trauma.

That process of growth is beginning now, in the typical freshman courses, English, Biology, Psychology, Sociology, Philosophy, and Political Science. ( I am holding off on the Math as long as humanly possible.) I spent hours choosing these courses. I visited the campus at least six times before school started, finding my classrooms, the best places to eat lunch, park, and of course, of utmost importance, locating Starbucks. I purchased my texbooks early and started my first week of classes having read and oulined the first two chapters of each of the texts. No one, and I mean NO ONE was going to throw me a curve ball. I was armed, loaded, and ready to learn.

Enter into the scene a very young, (I could be his mother and I am only 41), energetic English teacher. I am assuming he is a teacher and not a professor, unless PhD's are now awarded to minors. That being said, he is bright and seems to be passionate about rhetoric. Fantastic! I love to write, am familiar with Aristotle's theories on persuasion and am open to critique. This should be a wonderful class. Let me emphasize should. Upon reading the syllabus on the computer, (there is one at every desk in his classroom) I broke into a cold sweat. The title of the syllabus is Technology and Online Rhetoric. That was NOT the title of this course as outlined by the English department in the University catalog. Further reading of the future assignments revealed not only the typical papers (Rhetorical Analysis, Cultural Analysis, Definition Essay, Proposals) but also technology related projects. (Blogs, Xtranormal, texting verbiage, gaming language etc.) Xtranormal?? I had to google this just to see what the heck he was talking about. Gaming Language?? The only gaming language that comes out of my mouth is "shut off the X-box and do your homework NOW or you are grounded and I am throwing the damn thing in the trash." Somehow, I don't think this is the "gaming language" my teacher is referring to. Aristotle and Black Ops?? He's kidding, right?

This morning at breakfast I told my kids about my English class. Up until now, the kids have approached the whole "mommy going to college" bit with restrained enthusiasm. Their major concerns are that I will still be there to help them with their homework, that their baseball uniforms will still be washed and ready to wear at game time, and that there still will be a dinner made. Until now. Gaming language? Texting verbiage? They think it sounds awesome. My fourteen year old wants a copy of the syllabus to show his 7th grade English teacher, whom he refers to as "Dinosaur Woman". "Wow mom," said my 11 year old. "You are going to make a movie with Xtranormal?" "I want to help!" Sigh. He knew what Xtranormal was. I guess maybe it is time that I do, too.